I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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