Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
