Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
