dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
