I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
In America we eat man semen.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
