if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
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You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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