In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
