you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
