He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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