I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Randomize
