What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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