Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
