I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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