3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
