Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
