You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
