how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
that may or may not have been my penis.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
