I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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