She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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