hotel room ftw
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
