I got chris browned last night
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
as a side note pls kill me
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