The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
