All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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