The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
