So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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