Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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