The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
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