Four minutes until I can fart!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
