we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
there's paper in my vomit.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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