So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
