So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
