Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
