so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
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the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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