she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize
