Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
