do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
