My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize