She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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