We're like a lot better than the average bears
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I did not marry a roomba.
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