recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
