Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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