he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So squirting runs in the family.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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