i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
