there's paper in my vomit.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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