The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
