and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
