I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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