I think I am morally bankrupt
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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