i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
