someone threw a dead crab at me
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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