Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If I had your ass I would rule the world
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
