I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Drake has all the answers
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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