no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
