1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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