Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
